Saturday, October 10, 2009

Continuing the Journey...

Those of you who know and love me well, know this has been a tough week for me. It seems all I've been able to do is wander around here trying to figure out what it is that I'm supposed to be doing now that Mary is gone. It may sound silly, but it's true and since I'm well known for being a Truth-talker, no need of calling it what it isn't.

It's hard CONTINUING THE JOURNEY of beginning my life again as it was before Mary, one year ago. I miss her desperately. Oh yes, I KNOW that she's in a better place and were it not for the fact that I had the privilege of leading her to Christ in July and KNOWING that she's in heaven today, I would not be able to handle this, I don't think.

That brings me back to this fact again....

CONTINUING THE JOURNEY in life would be impossible for me without Jesus. HE alone is my hope, my sustainer, my joy, my peace....He's my everything. I just don't understand how the millions across this globe can live a life and not have a personal relationship with our Creator. Oh yeah, it's undoubtably done by many every single day, but what a sad hopeless life it is. Without the knowlege that I will see Mary again in heaven one day, I don't think I could bear the loss. There's a smile on my face, but my heart is aching for her. But it isn't just her physical presence that I miss but my heart aches for the following...

You see, Mary lived a pretty sad life. It was basically full of pain, heartache and suffering, much because of the wrong choices she made in her life, but much at the hands of others. She only lived for Jesus a mere 3 months before her passing. I wish she could have lived a healthy life for Christ and really understood the mercy and faithfulness of a loving God who wanted nothing more than to heal all her hurts and bring her joy unspeakable. Not just the joy that comes from getting something new or laughing at a joke or watching your child take his first steps. NO.....I'm talking about the unspeakable, undescribable JOY that comes from personally knowing Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Having that knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way because you know and trust that Romans 8:28 is true and therefore, your mindset is such that your HOPE comes from Him, the Sustainer of all and you can have PEACE REGARDLESS of the storm. Now that is something that money can't buy and NOTHING can take the place of:)

I miss Mary, there is no doubt, but the journey continues. Today, I will put one foot in front of the other and trust my Savior who died on that cross on Calvary for me. I will remember all God gave me when He entrusted her into me and Darrel's care. I will remember all that He has taught us through this past year and through caring for her. HE has taught us much......patience, self-less love and the importance of giving of oneself for the benefit of someone else.

To God be ALL the glory.

2 comments:

Mandy Rhoden said...

Amen I am so thankful for you and the example you have set! I love you much :)

"Virtuous Wannabe" said...

Barb, I am praying for you as you continue the journey....I understand these feelings so well, my brother also became a christian in July 2007 and then died in December of that year. My heart was elated at the thought that I would see him in heaven completely healed, but my heart grieved for all the years he missed of having joy in Christ. You will see Mary again with a healthy body and no tears in her eyes, just I will see my brother, that is what we must cling to. I love you bunches
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