Sadness, emptiness, shortcomings, failures, too much spoken, not enough spoken, too much selfishness, too much laziness, lonliness, inadequate.....these feelings have raged within me for several days now. I've fought them, spoke Words of Life to them, denied them, cried about them and still, they come.
They are relentless...like rain that doesn't let up.
Like waves of the ocean...they come.
Like the untamed wind...they whirl around me and encompass me.
Sadness grips me and lonliness wants to settle on me. I'm screaming back at this feeling that it's not true...it's not based on fact...and then.....
I run to Psalms and there, I find lonliness, emptiness must flee...
"Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
he shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His TRUTH shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday."
Psalms 91:3-6
He speaks peace to my fears, my lonliness...the lies that surround me.
He whispers calmness to me. Life Christmas dinner, I am once again full.
My physical heart wants to run back to the feelings of lonliness...where I can
wallow in my selfishness...
My spiritual heart screams at me that it's not about me...never has been, never will be. My spiritual heart reminds me that God owns my heart, not me. He beckons me...He calls my name...He reminds me of His love for me, regardless of my feelings.
Goodbye me........goodbye....
Thank you Jesus..........thank YOU.
the solitary
8 years ago
3 comments:
Oh Barb...I just love you....I am so glad to hear that someone else goes through this....I can't stand that "PUNK", better known as Satan....God and I talk often about these sames feelings....as long as we are talking to Him about them, we will eventually be delivered. The best study I ever did by Beth Moore was a short one called "Living Free", she talks candidly about these feelings and how God delivers us from some strongholds immediately and that other strongholds are long lasting and a day by day process, but so that we can learn from them, teach from them, and move on. (Please forgive me if this is sounding preachy....it's really a self talk to me...not anything that you don't already know). I think of that song by Mercy Me, "Goodbye self" (I think that is the name of it)....Hey, have you ever listened to Gateway Worship...their latest CD is called "Wake up the World"...it is the most awesome worship and praise music (go check it out on Itunes...that's where I bought it)....it is so uplifting.
When the enemy is whispering his lies into my ears...sometimes it's so hard not to believe him. Those times when I should be up and fighting against his deceitful, forked tongue, I feel like a boxer knocked down on the mat, trying to climb up the ropes of the boxing ring. All I know to say to you my much beloved sister is...you are NOT alone...I'm praying for you immediately...remember the power YOU have, in Christ, over the enemy...
'I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which his has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength,' Ephesians 1:18-19
I love you-Deb
Not good oh little sister. We are not allowed to be in the same place at the same time. We need each other to climb our way out of "stuff". So my challenge to you and to myself-----smiles to you and smiles to me as soon we both will be free for this too shall pass. I love you bunches.
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