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This morning, as our son Butch worshiped the Lord as he sang, "I'LL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM" it was difficult for my mind to stay focused on the moment. My mind carried me back to years ago when his life was different. I relived certain moments, moments of despair as well as moments of clarity in his life. Moments when I would have never believed he could have pulled himself from the wreckage of the mess he'd made then and moments since, when me and his dad have been so proud of him that we could burst. Proud, because he now lives his life NOT for himself, but for the God who made him. The God who has brought him through the storms of his life!
Butch and ALL of us, have been through our share of STORMS in our lives. But the key is learning to PRAISE HIM IN THE STORM! We owe Him all the glory!
"I'LL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"
We must understand, we simply must, that GOD is with us through the storms of life. We may choose to reach out and grab His hand or we may choose to go it alone and rely on our own strength. To choose the first option, is to choose life. To choose the second, is to choose death.
Father, how grateful I am that You are the God of our good days and our bad days. You are God alone and I'LL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM!!
OK.....I do understand, I really do but I am FRUSTRATED.
"You're so loud"......
"You nag too much"........
"You don't handle money well".........
"Maybe you need to seek God about that and not ask me"..........
"Are you praying about that?"..............
"You need to learn to be organized"...............
"You waste time"........
"You talk too much"........
These are only a few of the MANY words of wisdom I've had to listen said to me over the years. Some were said to me at a time in my life when I didn't any more want to hear truth than I wanted to be eaten alive by giant snakes! Some of these statements have been said more recently to me.
Usually, the condition of our heart speaks for us, whether we wish it had of or not. Listen to what Luke 6:45 says...
"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."
When our heart is not right with God, it is difficult for our mouth to speak right. We don't like correction, we don't like admonition and we take every statement made to us that is meant to help us, as words spoken from the enemy itself. Our hearts are selfish and we want ONLY want WE want. We tend to think so highly of ourselves that the world has to elevate itself to reach our standards, when in essence, it is we who need to be brought down a notch and realize who we really are. If you don't like instruction, then listen to what the Bible has to say about it.
Proverbs 1:7 says this...
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction."
I didn't say that....the Lord God Himself did! Don't be mad at me if it touches an angry place within your heart. Believe me when I say, I myself have had things said to me that "could" have made me angry and a few of them probably did before I knew Christ. In the depths of our own hearts, we must look at ourselves in the mirror and examine IF what has been said to us about us, is true. Some people don't even seem to see the error of their ways but if you're not sure that what someone has said about you that seemed so terrible is true, try asking a friend or family member if what was said about you is something they've seen in you. Better yet, why not humble yourself and ask God Himself??
Listening to wisdom can be difficult if the words spoken are true. For myself, I have found that every time wisdom has been spoken to me that made me angry, it WAS something that I needed to work on. It's time for us to grow up and search our own hearts.
Watching the Winter Olympics has mesmerized me this year. I absolutely love winter sports. I suppose it's in my blood, having grown up in Chicago and some of my best memories having to do with snow and ice.
Watching these athletes holds me captive as I think about the hours of practice, hard work, dedication and love they display for their sport. They have given much of their lives to become the best at what they do to advance their sport. Much of their personal lives are put on hold while they spend countless hours practicing.
You know, the truth is, our actions play out what is important to us. Truly, we do not have to say much for others to know who we are and what we are "really" about. As others watch us, and they DO watch us, what do our lives prove out is important to us? Just as these athletes prove to us what motivates them, how about us as Christians???
I wonder, would any of us win A GOLD MEDAL as slaves and servants of the Lord God? Would we even be called up to be on the podium to win a medal at all for our faith and trust in the King of the Universe? What are our priorities? What do our actions show to the world?
A GOLD MEDAL???? The old addage "actions speak louder than words" holds true in our Christian walk as well as in every other area of our lives.
Life is hard. Some days we wake up and all seems well and good. The sunshine is streaming in through our window and life is fine and dandy.
But then, there are those days that we wake up and wonder how we will deal with what we know we have to deal with that day.
I have come back to Esther 4:14 over and over again this past week. I can almost hear Mordecai saying to her...."For who knows whether or not you have attained royalty FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS."
Those six words have echoed in my ears for days now.
Oh Lord...........FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS I shall walk through whatever You have for me. I shall not be afraid. I shall not doubt Your perfect timing nor shall I question what You are doing. I shall not loose heart nor loose faith. I shall not look with physical eyes as they cannot see the things that are really important.
BUT...what I SHALL do is this....
I shall trust my Redeemer, just as Esther did. I shall be bold and I shall do whatever He calls me to do as I walk each day.
FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.......I shall work till Jesus comes, no matter the cost.
The driveway almost seems to smile as we pull up tonight.
HOME.....it's the place we live, lay our heads at night and enjoy our family.
Tonight as I come through the door I am acutely aware that I left part of my heart and mind in another place. I am aware that my body has arrived HOME but my heart remains elsewhere.
It was hard to leave him.....he's grown....he doesn't really appear to need me....but my heart needs him. "Goodbye" was hard.
But once again, I leave him in the hands of the Lord. It's where I willingly placed him many years ago. I cannot really do much for him other than love him and pray for him. He's grown and so I come back home.
He's in Your hands Lord Jesus.....You can do more for him than I ever could. Heal his body and his mind. As much as I love him, You love him more. I'm counting on You Lord.....I'm counting on You.
"Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things." ECCLESIASTES 11:5
He IS at work. I do not "just" think it.....I KNOW it! He moves and breathes in the spiritual world, one we cannot see nor can we fathom what goes on there. BUT....He IS at work. His "activity" is endless, never tiring, never ceasing. As the sun rises and sets, so does His "activity" continue. Just because we cannot see it visually with our physical eyes, we would be absolutely foolish to believe it does not go on.
He labors night and day on behalf of His children. "For the Son of man has come to seek and save that which was lost." Luke 19:10 He does not lay down and give up on those who need Him. He does not throw in the towel and walk away. He came to "SEEK AND SAVE!!" If you are "seeking" something, you are "actively" looking for it and you do not tire until you find it.
We, as human beings, may not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb.......BUT, we would be pathetically ignorant to believe that GOD ALMIGHTY does not!
Tonight, I thank you God that our son has made great progress. Thank you for your "activity" in all of our lives. There is no where to turn to but You God.
Oh Lord my God....when I in awesome wonder....consider all, the worlds Thy hands have made....
I see the stars....I hear the rolling thunder...Thy power throughout....the universe displayed...
Then sings my soul....my Savior God to Thee....How great Thou art...How great Thou art....Then sings my soul....My Savior God to Thee...How great Thou art...
How GREAT Thou art!
You never picture it. It's just not programmed into momma's heads to ever think about the picture I saw today.
He lay there in ICU, more tubes coming in and going out of him than I've ever seen. My son.....my son.......that's my son my heart spoke to my brain but my brain nearly refused to believe the sight before me. He's only 37 Lord. Tears welled up in my eyes as I took it all in. He's on a ventilator, until he adjusts and his oxygen levels are what they should be. The nurse says the first 24 hours are crucial to see how he's going to do....we'll know more tomorrow, she says.
But my heart is screaming inside myself......
"That's my son.....do you know that? Do you care? Will you care for him and watch over him as I did when he was a little boy? If I leave this room, will you wipe his brow? Will you comfort him? Will you calm his fears....he's full of them....they don't know that, but I do. I'm his mom, I know. You can't love him like I do.....you can't know him as I do."
Tears well up in my eyes and after only a few minutes, we're told we must leave. It's so hard to walk down that hallway. He doesn't even know I'm there....he won't remember any of this.....the hallway looms before me and at the end is a doorway that I cannot walk back through until tomorrow. WITHOUT YOU Lord, I could not make a step. I'd have no hope, no peace within in. WITHOUT YOU Lord, my feet would have planted themselves at his side and I wouldn't have moved.
BUT.......because I am NOT WITHOUT YOU.....I can leave him in the physical hands of the doctors and nurses and the spiritual hands of my God and Savior. You do ALL things well Lord. Your plan is so much better than any I could ever have for him. I trust You Lord. As little 6 year old Easton prayed....."God, talk to him while he's sleeping...."
Yes Lord.......talk to him even now, while he is sleeping. Talk to him now. He's my son Lord, my firstborn. Talk to him.
His name is DJ.....he's my son......my firstborn.
Today, I have been ON MY KNEES for him. He is hanging in the balance and he needs your prayers. Would you join with me as we pray for our son?
I trust You Lord. My desperate heart has hungered to see evidence in my child that You are there. Evidence Lord, evidence. Is there hunger there Lord, is he hungry? We have prayed so long and waited.
"Whatever it takes Lord, whatever it takes"....THIS is what I prayed early this morning. You have not left Your throne, oh God....You know him, You know his heart. Move Lord Jesus, move. Now, more than ever, he needs You and we need You. Go with us God as we go to him....lead us, direct us....Holy Spirit speak through us. This ever wordy woman has not the words to speak without You Father. I yearn for my son. Move, Lord, move.
For what I do not know, I praise You. For everything, I praise You. I love you Jesus...I need You....He needs You. Go with us.
THey came in the door kicking off their shoes and immediately, the conversation was in full gear here on Tuesday night. As each one of them came in, I silently thanked God. 16 GIRLS walked through my door, each one grinning, some bearing goodies or soft drinks, but almost all of them carrying their "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" books that we are going through together for the next 8 or so weeks.
16 GIRLS graced my humble home this week and their voices still echo within these walls. They are so full of life, joy in the moment, questions, giggles, laughter and many whispered prayer requests in the ear of this older woman who feels so honored to have them in her life. They bring great joy to me and they teach me more than they shall ever know.
As I look around the circle of beautiful faces, I wonder where God will take them, how HE will use them and how they will serve Him one day. I wonder how many will follow His call on their lives and how many will choose to direct their own path. I wonder who will choose to do whatever they want to do and possibly turn away from God. As much as I would pray that won't happen, I know that more than likely it will. After working with youth some 16 or so years now, I've seen more run from God than I like to think about. I know that not all will choose to follow Him and deep in my heart, I already ache for them. I study their faces and silently pray for a hunger for Jesus to begin to flourish deep within their hearts.
I pray they won't make the same mistakes I have made. I pray they won't have to learn the hard way how faithful our God is. They are young, they have so much to give and so much to learn.
16 GIRLS God......You know their names, You know their hearts, the hard parts and the soft parts. Move in their lives Lord, move.
I rise to the sound of twittering birds outside my window and I give Him quick thanks.
Cottage cheese eaten on the run for breakfast and I give Him thanks.
Reaching for cleaning supplies as I hurry through cleaning the house and I give Him thanks for the means to buy the products I am using.
Over a delicious chicken sandwich and chips, I give Him thanks for His provision. I am acutely aware that there are millions who are hungry, as I enjoy the feeling of fullness.
As I flip the switch to begin the process of washing clothes, I give Him thanks that we are able to pay our electric bill and all the luxuries electricity affords us.
The sound of childrens' voices pierces the lingering quiet and I am immediately reminded of the blessings my children have given me.......GRANDCHILDREN. In the door they come after school, telling stories, and hungry, as always. I give Him thanks that they are such a huge part of my life.
As I answer the ringing phone, on the other end, is the sound of Darrel's voice. He's away for a few days and he calls to remind me he loves and misses me already. I give Him thanks for putting him in my path some 40 years ago and bringing us so far over the years.
As the evening begins winding down and I sit here alone, my thoughts run back over the many things in life that I have to be thankful for and I have merely scratched the surface. The kind favor of a King who came for me.....who lavishes so much more on me that I could ever be deserving of....the love that He rains down on me.
Today, I have raised HUMBLE OFFERINGS OF THANKS as I have moved through my day. He is worthy of so much more and yet, He receives my verbal thanks as sweet sound to His ear.......offerings of praise.
I love you Lord.....thank You for all You have provided. I am aware of Your gifts and I am not worthy.
