DIS..........CONNECTED

Well, I'm finally back online after 5 days of being inadvertently "dis..........connected" from our comcast cable/internet by an unassuming neighbor mowing his grass! I'm sure he never even knew what he'd done but after 4 days of getting the runaround from Comcast, it was finally repaired and we're back online.
It has felt rather weird not having internet access. I've felt totally cut off from the world. OK....I know that sounds pretty pathetic, but my laptop affords me my news, emails from family and my blog. My blog satisfies my inner need to share feelings....deep AND surfacy....good AND bad.....stupid AND intelligent.....funny AND not so funny.....important AND totally non-important! I just love bloggin and I've missed being able to put my thoughts out here in the wide expanse of the web world. I'm tickled pink not to be "dis.....connected" any longer!
BUT......I continue to emotionally feel a bit "dis......connected" here at home. Don't know if I can describe it nor if anyone really cares to read my pathetic sorrowful thoughts.....so here's your opportunity to shut down your computer and read no further. Stop NOW if you don't want to read my whining and pathetic selfish feelings. OK....I gave you your chance.....
Being gone 23 days is a long time to be away from family and friends. Life goes one, with or without you. I think I really realized this fact for the first time in my 55 years of living. Whether I'm here or not....life WILL go on. (I promise I'm really not on the pity party train or anything, just thinking out loud and sharing what I feel). Somehow, we all love feeling greatly needed, especially us grandmothers. We really DO want to care for our grandchildren. We may AND do get tired sometimes, but we want to be a part of their lives and feel like our presence matters greatly and that who we are as a person is an addition that our family appreciates. I was scared to death all the while I was gone that Ty wouldn't remember who I was since he's only 1. It hurt my heart every day while I was away that he'd forget me. Thank goodness, he didn't, but if I'd never come back, he surely would have and his life would have gone on just fine without me.
I feel rather dis.......connected still since I've been home, almost as though I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be or how I fit into the big puzzle of things. I know I sound crazy, but what can I say??? I guess I just realized for the first time that my family missed me but life went on as usual while I was gone and no one was any worse because of my absence. Guess it hurts just a little in the flesh to think that we are easily replaced and life goes on without us being around. We all want to think that we are of MAJOR importance in the lives of our children and grandchildren and that they can't do without us!! I'm feeling this in other areas of my life also and realizing that the world won't stop spinning if I back out of certain things. Other people will step up and fill my spot and life will go on. They'll miss me for a season and then I'll be forgotten. Maybe this is all part of hitting 55 and realizing that my best years for health etc are more than likely behind me. I'll never be that veterinarian that I wanted to be and I'll probably never be able to travel the world like I hoped. Life is passing me by and YES, it's all good and all, but I'm realizing I'm easily replaced and it's tough.
So, that's it......I'm dis......connected still and wondering when I'll feel normal again. I hope it's soon.